I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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