i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
