So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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