U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
