I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
