literally had 100 drinks last night.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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