just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
