4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize