I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
