Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
