Umm I'm too high to move.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
