i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
