i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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