I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
