Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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