just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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