I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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