i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
