I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
