I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
