I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
