hotel room ftw
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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