Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
