dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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