I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
