We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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