U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
