She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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