Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
