I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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