May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
