the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
