Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
