I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
