I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
