It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
