1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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