your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
