Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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