Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
