Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
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I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
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Found the puke drawer
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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