Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize