i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
