somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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