do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
