it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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