she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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