My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
