i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
