so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We are two peas in an std pod
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
