The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
