five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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