pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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