On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
