roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
