I puked a lego.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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