I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
