Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Randomize
