her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
