"it" just moved
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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