when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I am available for nakedness
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
