Apparently you make a good broom.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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