I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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