So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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