I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
