I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
well you can't waste a boner
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think your dad took our porno
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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