I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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